Monthly Archives: March 2015
I hope that it finds all of you well and happy as the seasons change and we see the buds bloom, seeds are planted, and the robins land with their red tummies.
This is the frst Ostara I have actually acknowledged in my three years in my journey as a Witch. I am not celebrating really. We are going to try to dye eggs. I plan to wear lovely spring colors, and to spend time outside, with the blooming things, watching the ducks as they scowl at me for daring to live in this complex when clearly it belongs to them since they have a nest by the pond.
I remember when I was a little girl, near our our front stairs we had four red tulips that came up every spring, and I would wait and wait and I knew when I saw their green pushing through the soil it was time, and soon the days would be longer, and we could pay outside more, and the sun would be warm. Fall has always been my favorite season, but as I learn to appreciate this planet, I learn to appreciate it all.
So this year, spring coming has been a beautiful thing to me. Every bud, the birds singing in the early hours. The feel of the cool breeze against my face, even when I was in the sun.
So welcome spring, welcome Blessed Maiden. Show us, teach us of life anew.
Blessed be everyone.
I have been through lots of therapy, talked to lots of “Licensed therapists.” Never once had I heard this term. Recently, watching videos about various things, and reading about various things, all mostly to do with Paganism, self-growth, etc. I came across the term self-love. The act of truly, genuinely loving yourself. Not in the way therapist try to get you to do. The “Keep your chin up and remember you are a great person and it will get better.” with a fake smile kind of way.” No in a nitty-gritty being deeply real with yourself, learning about yourself until you come to understand you genuinely ARE an awesome person. It doesn’t come overnight, and it doesn’t come from your basic self help books, and it certainly doesn’t come at 100 some odd bucks an hour.
It comes from you. It comes from me.
I have to do all the work. So far I really haven’t found a guide. I’m sure there is one. Right now I am sort of just meandering through. Reminding myself if I do a good job at something I am fucking well going to be proud of it and if someone thinks I am arrogant well screw them. The thing is, in our society we are not given the inherent right to love ourselves. We have to shove all that down. Don’t be proud, that’s arrogant! Don’t brag! Don’t show people that new skill you learned that’s showing off!! Why can’t we do those things? I know I am thrilled to see new skills people have learned, and proud when friends accomplish things that are hard for them. We are told to love ourselves but not given the right to truly do so.
Sometimes, you are your only cheerleader. Maybe you tell three people and one of them half hears you. Maybe no one thinks it was a big deal, and you know it was for YOU, Maybe there is no one there at that moment to say anything. So you give yourself a pat on the back, and that is the most important praise you can ever get. Other praise fades, sometimes can be false, but true praise, from yourself to yourself, that never goes away.
So when you do something you though was impossible, brag. Tell the people you care about. Post about it on facebook and twitter, but most of all stop, breath, and tell yourself you did it. You did this thing you didn’t think you could do, and now you can do it again.
Good link to a self love monifesto.The Four Queens wrote this on her blog, and I think it gives some good examples.
In the fall of 2010 my life changed in so many ways. Oh so many. Walls torn down, the status quo of my life ashes on the floor as I attempted to build them back up. Build them I did.
As one person burned them down she made a statement, which I paraphrase.
“I can’t live with the intensity in which you live.”
I had no idea what the hell she was talking about. None. I figured my current problems at that time were an easy way to end a dying friendship, and I still think that is true to a certain point. There comes a time when a friendship sometimes just doesn’t work anymore, when you should walk away, and that one had long since left the bus station. We just refused to see it. Which often leaves an awful mess. Which it did. Leaving people hurt on all sides in it’s wake. Now, if I ever feel a relationship is suffering, needs tweaking, it’s time to move on, I say something. Sometimes the very act of saying something is all that was needed. Amanda Palmer’s Bed Song is a very good example of that. The “Why didn’t you say something?”
I digress slightly. Back to the whole intensity thing. Let’s define intensity with our dear friend, Merriam-Webster.
Full Definition of INTENSITY1: the quality or state of being intense; especially : extreme degree of strength, force, energy, or feeling
“To Acquiescent:tending to accept or allow what other people want or demand”