I have been through lots of therapy, talked to lots of “Licensed therapists.” Never once had I heard this term. Recently, watching videos about various things, and reading about various things, all mostly to do with Paganism, self-growth, etc. I came across the term self-love. The act of truly, genuinely loving yourself. Not in the way therapist try to get you to do. The “Keep your chin up and remember you are a great person and it will get better.” with a fake smile kind of way.” No in a nitty-gritty being deeply real with yourself, learning about yourself until you come to understand you genuinely ARE an awesome person. It doesn’t come overnight, and it doesn’t come from your basic self help books, and it certainly doesn’t come at 100 some odd bucks an hour.
It comes from you. It comes from me.
I have to do all the work. So far I really haven’t found a guide. I’m sure there is one. Right now I am sort of just meandering through. Reminding myself if I do a good job at something I am fucking well going to be proud of it and if someone thinks I am arrogant well screw them. The thing is, in our society we are not given the inherent right to love ourselves. We have to shove all that down. Don’t be proud, that’s arrogant! Don’t brag! Don’t show people that new skill you learned that’s showing off!! Why can’t we do those things? I know I am thrilled to see new skills people have learned, and proud when friends accomplish things that are hard for them. We are told to love ourselves but not given the right to truly do so.
Sometimes, you are your only cheerleader. Maybe you tell three people and one of them half hears you. Maybe no one thinks it was a big deal, and you know it was for YOU, Maybe there is no one there at that moment to say anything. So you give yourself a pat on the back, and that is the most important praise you can ever get. Other praise fades, sometimes can be false, but true praise, from yourself to yourself, that never goes away.
So when you do something you though was impossible, brag. Tell the people you care about. Post about it on facebook and twitter, but most of all stop, breath, and tell yourself you did it. You did this thing you didn’t think you could do, and now you can do it again.
Good link to a self love monifesto.The Four Queens wrote this on her blog, and I think it gives some good examples.